Head Tale

There’s no two ways about it – this has been one of the toughest years of our lives.

Shea and I have dealt with a family member being diagnosed with, treated for, and living with all the fallout from a fairly serious form of cancer, numerous deaths of people who were connected to us – cousins taken before their time, a former high school classmate who was a year older than me but whose sister I know quite well and graduated with, the dad of another high school friend and also the dad of Shea’s maid of honour, the high school aged daughter of a former coworker.  I broke my wrist and had to have a pin put in my wrist.  Shea and I both went through some major changes at our jobs.  We’ve had some other incredibly serious stuff to deal with that, as transparent and open as I tend to be on this blog, I’m not even going to mention.

At the same time, I think it’s important to (try to) maintain perspective.

For example, if you look at a list of the 10 Most Stressful Things in a Person’s Life, depending on how you squint, we only dealt with two or maybe three things on that list (which in no way diminishes the stress or cumulative effect of the things we *did* deal with or the fact that some of our stresses might not be ranked 1-10 but are maybe #11, 12 and 13!)

Another way to try to keep perspective is remembering when we had some water backup in our basement a few years ago.  I asked the restoration expert how bad it was and he had an insightful reply I still think of whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed: “Well, to you it’s a 10 out of 10.  But to us, compared to most of what we see, it’s a 2 out of 10.”

The stuff we dealt with this year (and continue to deal with in some cases) was incredibly stressful.  But again, perspective is everything.

In the last few months, I’ve heard of people dealing with things that are so much worse:

• That former coworker who lost her child?  That affected me at a distance but that mom is still working through her grief months later and likely will be for the rest of her life.
• Through most of the year, we’ve dealt with the impact of a family member who was living with cancer.  But that treatment appears to be successful (no cancer in the last couple scans including the latest just today) and I know people who are living with the reality that they will never be cured of their cancer.
• A friend very recently lost not just one baby but twins during her pregnancy.
• I know someone else whose daughter-in-law recently died of a drug overdose leaving behind a child that this person is now looking after.
• Just today, a person I know found out they’re being laid off less than a week before Christmas.

Along with what the restoration expert told me, I also keep thinking of a mantra I’ve developed for my work and personal life – “You never know what shit people are dealing with.”  I mean, sometimes they tell you or you find out but we all have serious shit we’re going through, no matter what it is, it often feels like a 10/10 when it happens but there’s always someone who has it worse.

My final thought is that I feel incredibly fortunate – I’m likely more than half way through my life and, for the most part, the grand tragedies and stresses in my life have been relatively minor – I’ve lost my grandparents but all died at advanced ages and three of four whom I have strong memories of (one died when I was eight so I don’t remember him as well.)  My parents and Shea’s parents are both alive and though they’ve all had health challenges of varying degrees, they’re still relatively healthy, mobile, and of sound mind.  I have a great family with a wonderful wife and two great kids. Even with ongoing changes, Shea and I both love the lines of work that we find ourselves in and the ways that we get to make a difference in the lives of others.

Saying all that, I really hope that 2019 is a better year than 2018 ended up being! 🙂