Head Tale

1. What did you do this year that you’d never done before?
After our son thought our new puppy had possibly eaten his ear buds, I did a middle of the night forensic examination of a fresh dog turd using a plastic fork!

Turns out my son had found the ear bud in the pocket of his hoodie earlier in the evening.  He’d sent me a text to let me know but I had “Do Not Disturb” mode on and didn’t see the text until I got back from my operation. 😮

(“Get a dog they said, it’ll be fun they said” is a recurring mantra for me since we got a dog!)

It’s one for the memoirs but I also conducted an exorcism this year!  

2. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin and his partner had their second surrogate child – actually I think that happened this year but my brain can’t keep track of time since Covid happened so maybe it was two years ago?  No, pretty sure it was this year but how sad is that to not be sure?

3. Did anyone close to you die?
I feel that every year I get older, this list gets longer.

* Jim Button –  a well-known community leader in Calgary who I got to work with as part of their Word on the Street Festival, was diagnosed with terminal cancer at a relatively young age but faced it with grace and positivity as he took people along on his journey – even doing charitable work for the library in Calgary.  

* Bryna Barclay – seminal figure in the Saskatchewan writing scene.

* Renee Carleton – someone from my hometown who was only a year older than me.

* Rick Stevenson – another writer I knew, this one while I worked for the Writers Guild of Alberta.

* Kayla Allan –  easily the most shocking, most devastating loss of the year for Shea and I.  Everyone else on this list was older than me and even for Renee, who was only a year older, she had some serious health issues that played a part in her death.  Kayla, on the other hand, died suddenly in a tragic car accident after the first big snowstorm of the year.  This was particularly tough for Shea as she had frequently babysat Kayla and her two sisters while her parents were farming or working.  Kayla’s family had helped us in a variety of ways over the years and we returned the favour as well, most recently helping with a few important tasks at another daughter’s wedding earlier this summer.  

4. What places did you visit?
* Mayan Riviera for our 20th wedding anniversary and other than a 10-day trip to Newfoundland in 2010, the first trip we’ve had without kids in all that time (and yes, it was WONDERFUL!) 

* We spent a lot of time (including me even taking a week of unpaid leave for more time with my family) at our seasonal campsite at Nickle Lake but it was with mixed emotions this year as my in-laws, who had a seasonal campsite for twenty years, decided to “pull the pin” and gave up their site, sold off their camper and all related supplies.  We also got to spend a few days at my parents’ family cottage at Katepwa Lake.

* We did an enjoyable family trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota – a place that had never been on our radar as a destination but we decided to check out after a few people said how much they enjoyed it.  We went for just under a week and stayed in different towns each night – Sturgis, Deadwood, Hill city and Rapid City for two nights.  We ended up touching four different states – North Dakota, South Dakota, Wyoming, and Montana – and it was even more fun than I expected.  

5. What would you like to have in the next year that you lacked this year?
Have I said a lottery jackpot before? 😉   Shea and I regularly laugh about people who tell us “I don’t want to retire – I don’t know what I’d do with myself.” when both of us, who absolutely love the type of work we do, would walk out the door tomorrow if we could!

6. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory?
Feb 19 – first tropical holiday in two years!

Mar 25 – Shea and I watch Connor Bedard’s final regular season game with Pats in Premium Seats I won in a silent auction

April 4 – Trump Indicted (for the first time)

April 8 – Game Six Pats Victory in first round of playoffs is a blast!

April 12 – Sasha was first in our family to get a (negative) PCR test (April 2020) but the last to actually test positive in our immediate family (April 2023). 

June 13 – Customer on Customer Stabbing at Central Branch is Worst Incident In My Fifteen Years at RPL

June 21 – We start a major landscaping project in May and it’s completed on the longest day of the year (except for some electrical work which doesn’t get done until near the end of summer) 

Jul 6 – it’s official that my in-laws are going to give up their seasonal campsite after twenty years.  Much of summer after that is spent with process of winding down their site, cleaning and selling their camper, etc.

Jul 8 – non-stop fun day in Regina during our summer holidays where I take Sasha to the “Beyond Van Gogh” exhibit, we all eat at a Sushi Train restaurant, and I take Pace to  “AEW Wrestling” in the evening before heading back to the lake.  

Jul 18 – turn 50 but it’s pretty low key after my 40th where we rented a local arcade and invited a bunch of people for a private party.  I’ve been accompanying my parents to various medical appointments and get to celebrate my birthday by going to an appointment with my mom to see a liver specialist then two days later to see a lung specialist. 

Aug 13 – first trip to US in over seven years as we go to the Black Hills in South Dakota and it’s a great trip with very few negatives (not even my desire to roll into Sturgis the day after the last day of their famous motorcycle rally which Shea thinks is a less-than-wise idea!)

Sept 9 – get my 15 year pin at RPL but chuckle when the manager who presents it congratulates me on “10 Years of Service”.   Nice to know at least 10 of my 15 years of service are appreciated! 😉

Oct 23 – after seeing more and more escalating signs for the past five years, my mother is officially diagnosed with dementia (on her and dad’s 52nd anniversary of all the days!) I’ve made a few indirect references to this on my blog recently but this entry is the first time I’m openly talking about it as it wasn’t really my story to tell before.  But now that most family and friends know, I’ll likely talk about it more on this blog going forward.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Maybe that “Driven To Read”, a vehicle-themed Community Event at the Glen Elm branch I spend half my time at got 3x the normal amount of people we’d get on a typical Saturday at that time of year even though there were a variety of challenges and roadblocks (er, pun intended!) ahead of the event.  (Most community events tend to get double the usual daily attendance for comparison.)

8.  What was your biggest failure of the year?
This is one of those stories for the memoirs but I seriously regret that I didn’t stand up for my values and my coworkers when a fairly high profile speaker at a work event made a number of uninformed , offensive comments during his speech at our annual Staff Day.  (To be fair, every single person in that room – managers, directors, other staff – also chose not to speak up given the situation and the dynamics in the room but I still was frustrated that I sat there thinking “Somebody needs to say something.  I should say something” but then didn’t.)

9. What was your biggest surprise?
I thought it would be hearing that a 45-year old woman at our campground had a baby after not even realising she was pregnant!  But it actually turned out to be one of those “23 and Me”-type genetic tracing stories that I heard at the end of the year.  (Yet another one for my memoirs as I was sworn to total secrecy on that one!)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Between attending my mom’s various doctor and specialist appointments, my kids being sick off and on with various things, my own health not always being super strong, I’ve probably taken more sick time in the past year or two then maybe in my entire fifteen year career previously (not counting time off for a broken wrist a few years back.  Hell, when I broke my leg playing hockey, I still made it to work the next day!)

I also chuckle at the increase in “old person” issues I’ve been dealing with – everything from in-grown toenails to eye troubles to a non-stop sore back (uhm, maybe it’s not totally age related – if I lose about fifty pounds, some of that’ll feel better there, old timer!) to weird bumps, blotches and hairs appearing all over my body (not really an injury other than to my pride but having a hair dresser ask if I wanted my eyebrows trimmed was a first this year!)

Hell, I literally fell out of bed one night very recently (!) after a vivid dream where I was playing in the NHL all-star game (yeah, that’s how you know it was a dream) and somebody, possibly Pavel Bure, did a wicked deke around me and so I threw myself at him and ended up on the floor (also a first!) Anyhow, now I know why my grandpa always smelled like Rub A5-35.

Oh, and I have another health issue that’s not related to age – instead, it’s something that my doctor helpfully points out is something that “mostly affects pregnant women.”  What was that about losing 50 lbs?!? 

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Our landscaping project was an attempt to look forward to a time when we also might not be camping as much (or anymore ) and instead, spending more time at home.  We went through a lot of iterations of the plans and ended up with two things we didn’t include at the start – Shea added a river/waterfall feature which I wasn’t sure about but which is incredibly calming and now my favourite part of the yard (me to landscaper: “This project is expensive but still cheaper than a psychiatrist!”) I upgraded our lights from plain white to smart lights that we can control the colours of which is also great for creating moods and ambiance in the evening.  (My brain initially typed “ambulance” for “ambiance” but that was the last question!)

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Anyone who I shared a laugh with this year – from jokes about how dog toys look like dildos to the previously mentioned exorcism to jokes about whether my “thing” is up or down, I think at my core, I’ve always been a fun-loving, humour-loving person who loves sharing a laugh with those around me and who isn’t afraid to laugh at himself either.

13. Whose behaviour left you underwhelmed or disappointed?
Coming out of a worldwide pandemic, I’ve realised that there’s a deeper underlying malaise in our society that I’ve begun calling “The Sickness”.  It’s about people who say nice words but don’t take actions that match.  It’s REAL Regina thinking that a sexist re-branding was a good idea.  It’s psychopathic corporate greed.  It is the sickness that we see every day on social media – Twitter and Reddit and Facebook among others with harassment and bots and misinformation.  It’s the Kafka-esque notion of an organization spending $500 when a different course of action would save $50.  It’s wars in the Ukraine and Palestine and the clarity of knowing it is people on each side that suffer while decision-makers and leaders on both sides have some level of responsibility for the carnage. It’s a provincial government that’s destroying healthcare and education not to mention targeting some of our most vulnerable youth including one of my son’s best friends (not enough that I could convince him to come to the “Pronoun Protest” with me but my daughter joined me for this important moment.)

14. Where did most of your money go?
We love it but our landscaping project was definitely the single most expensive purchase of our life outside of buying houses/condos over the years.  (Yep, cost us more than I’ve ever spent on a vehicle – though I drive a 2006 Ford Fusion I paid $8000 for so that’s not as hard to believe as it seems!) 😉

I went to Bulk Barn right before Xmas to get something to put in a candy dispensing machine we have.  I thought I got a goodly amount of jelly beans that might cost me $20 or so – expensive enough as it is.  Turns out it was over $80 for the candy – yikes!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Yes, they’re spoiled but we’ve always taken our kids with us on every tropical holiday we ever had.  But I have to admit I was really excited for the kidless trip we did to the Mayan Riviera for our 20th anniversary.  No fighting to wake up the kids every morning!  No fighting to get them to put on sunscreen!  No fighting about what restaurant or activity to do!  In fact, the only fighting was Shea and I arguing about what drink to order next!

16. What song/album will always remind you of this year?

 

“Problems” by the Sex Pistols.
“Ol 55” by Tom Waits.
“Rustin’ In The Rain” – Tyler Childers releases a great album I listened to on repeat regularly after a couple lesser received albums.
“Weathervanes” by Jason Isbell  

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
A) Happier or sadder?  Both?  There are ways that I’m much happier than I’ve ever been while also being sadder than I’ve ever been, often feeling both at the same time.

B) Thinner or fatter?  Unfortunately, close to my highest weight ever.  I had a good start when I all but quit drinking in fall 2022 after our seasonal camping ended.  But once we went to an all-inclusive in February then summer/camping season hit again, all bets were off and I was back to my old gluttonous ways.

C) Richer or poorer?  Much richer but that’s another story for the memoirs.  

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I got to a handful of games but I don’t think I appreciated having Connor Bedard playing for the Regina Pats enough and should’ve gone to even more games.  Hell, I probably should’ve bought season tickets!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

When I quit drinking in September 2022, I said I was (mostly) quitting drinking which gave me a loop hole to have a beer or two watching hockey on Saturday night or whatever.  But like I said above, our all-inclusive trip in February (it’s stupid but I feel like I don’t get my money’s worth at an all-inclusives if I’m not drinking) followed a few short months later by the start of summer camping season got me back off the wagon.  No promises and I don’t really do New Year’s Resolutions.  But I think I’m going to try to reduce the booze intake again this year and hopefully I can make it stick.  (Uhm, I’ll talk about the all-inclusive we’ve booked for February in another post!) 

20. How did you spend Christmas?

As with the past few years, we hosted both sets of grandparents at our house.  But this year, my mom’s dementia made everything a bit more challenging – from keeping the dog from getting too many treats/things he shouldn’t have to he wandering in the night in an unfamiliar house to simply trying to convey that it was okay for her to just sit and relax without needing to help with cooking or preparations like she would’ve in previous years.

21. Who did you spend the most time communicating with?
My sister and I talked a huge amount in the past year because of mom’s dementia – arranging specialist appointments, service provider appointments, retirement villa tours to see what’s out there, usually debriefing afterwards, talking to both parents about eventual transitions and services that could make this easier, even just comparing notes on the things we were seeing/concerned about.

22. What was your favourite TV program?
I’m not sure but Colin Kapernick’s fictionalized autobiographical show “Black and White” might be the first time Shea and I have ever truly binged a show watching every single episode in a single sitting instead of over a weekend or a few nights or whatever.

We resubscribed to Crave so we could binge “White Lotus” and “Last of Us” among others.  We also enjoyed “Beef”, “Succession” “Depp vs. Heard”, “Pain Killer”, “Daisy Jones and the Six”, “Beckham”, and “Robbie Williams.”

23. Do you hate anything that you didn’t hate at this time last year?
Nah, I’m totally chill and don’t hate anything. 😉 

24. What was the best book(s) you read?
Read a behind-the-scenes book about the all-inclusive resort industry called “The Last Resort” that was really good.  A librarian colleague in Ottawa recommended “Cabin Fever” about one of the initial Covid outbreaks on a cruise ship (not “Diamond Princess” which got most of the media attention) which read like a page-turning thriller and brought back so much of the uncertainty and confusion of the early days of Covid (but doubly so imagining those same experiences and feelings while trapped on a ship at sea that isn’t even being allowed into ports.) 

Read and watched an enormous amount of books and movies about Alzheimer’s/dementia including both fiction and nonfiction works.  “Still Alice” was one that stands out in fiction and “Creating Moments of Joy” which was highly recommended by a former RPL colleague who has become a dementia specialist.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Orville Peck as recommended by a younger, hipper coworker.

Tom Waits was someone I knew in terms of best-known songs/albums but this year I did a bit more of a deep-dive into his work inspired by the song “Ol’ 55” being one of my most played songs of the year.  

26. What did you want and get?
Not sure if I wanted this one way or the other.  But was pretty cool to have our super-shy son announce he had a girlfriend. 😮

27. What did you want and not get?
On the other hand, even though he has his learner’s, Pace hasn’t shown much interest in getting his driver’s license (not uncommon – we went for supper with a bunch of high school friends and every single one who had driving age children either had kids who never got their license at all or had delayed significantly.)

I’ve written about my complicated relationship with oil on this blog but Shea’s in a similar situation where she is possibly going to be in line for some oil royalties in the near future that could provide another windfall of income for us.  But we’re also not counting our money before its hatched to bastardize a metaphor.  

28. What were your favourite films of this year?
“You People”

“Spider-Man: Across The Multiverse”

“Barbie”

“Still Alice”

Watching a weekly horror film with Sasha every weekend in October (and the only one that gave her nightmares was arguably the least scary – “The Sixth Sense!”)

“Iron Claw” wrestling movie about the cursed Von Erich wrestling family with Shea in theatre after Christmas was one I’d been looking forward to as soon as I heard about it.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
As mentioned earlier, pretty big milestone year turning 50 (how the fuck did that happen?  In my head, I feel like I’m 25 most days!) but we didn’t do anything amazing – had a few friends over to enjoy our newly landscaped yard and share a meal but otherwise, made much less of a big deal than my 40th where we rented a local arcade and invited a range of people – my age, Pace’s friends, my parents and their friends – to all celebrate together.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
One standard line I’ve come to use about my mom’s dementia is “She can’t control what is happening to her but my dad can.”  So my sister and I both wish we’d had more success convincing him to be more proactive taking various necessary steps to make sure that both of them are getting proper help and support as mom’s disease progresses.  (At the same time, that former RPL colleague said that often spouses are the ones who struggle most with the dementia diagnosis so I try to be sympathetic to him as well.)

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?
I am obsessed with t-shirts with breast pockets and bought a rainbow of colours when they were on sale at Old Navy.  I said I don’t do resolutions but “don’t buy more pocket t-shirts in 2024” should probably be one for me! 

32. What kept you sane?

I think this was my answer last year but having a dog, even when I’m digging through his poops to look for an ear bud he might’ve ate or frustrated that he’s chewing something he shouldn’t but his unconditional love is something else – like sunshine in animal form.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
The “Experience Regina” debacle was…an experience for sure.  In my blog post, I mentioned how pissed Shea was being a bit of an eye-opener for how much of a fuck-up this truly was.  I’m also incredibly proud of her coming up with an idea of a “Show Us Your Regina” protest (true, while bored at a Pats hockey game with me that she started sharing the idea with friends) and getting the ball rolling.  It became a bit overwhelming and she handed off to an experienced activist friend (and Shea’s fears were legitimate as that friend ended up taking a lot of online abuse for being a spokesperson for this protest movement.) 🙁

34. Who did you miss?
Is it weird to say I missed my mom even though I saw her practically every week so probably more than anytime since I moved away from home?

Dementia is such a terrible disease in so many ways and as I said, I’ll probably write more about it in the coming weeks and months.

But even when you know it’s going to happen eventually, things like the first time you talk to her and she doesn’t know your name are like daggers.

On the flip side, even though she’s not nearly as lucid as she used to be, I feel like I love and appreciate her more now than I ever have in my life.

I know that her and dad have done an amazing job raising myself and my sister.  And now I am happy to turn that around and help care for them – accompanying them to appointments, sending food home with them when they used to send food home with me, trying to give them good life advice.

35. Who was the best new person you met?
I’ve now been a Community Librarian at RPL for two full years and after 15 years at RPL, I genuinely feel that the current group of Community Librarians is the single most supportive, kind, fun cohort of librarians I’ve been part of (and that’s coming from a guy who was part of an earlier cohort which tongue-in-cheek called ourselves “Club Fun”!) 😉

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year.
Rejection is not failure.  

You can only do what you can do.  

“Vamanos like they say in Colorado” which is what a clueless American said to our Mexican bike tour guide as if Americans using Spanish language phrases was something amazing or unique.  Became a bit of a catch phrase for Shea and I so that was good.  

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
“Problem, problem, problem!” – Sex Pistols

38. Link to a photo that sums up your year

39. Best App of the Year
The release of ChatGPT and seeing how it would instantly create legible, intelligent replies from basic prompts was both amazing and frightening.  Then the growing conversations about the ways that AI was about to revolutionize the world.

GPT-4 will make you superhuman.

But only if you know how to use it effectively.

Here are 10 ways you can start using GPT-4 today:

— Zain Kahn (@heykahn) March 15, 2023

I’ve also become a huge fan/user of “grey area of copyright” book repositories including ZLibrary and Anna’s Archive which feels as futuristic as ChatGPT in some ways by providing instant, free access to a huge amount of the world’s collected knowledge.

40. What single moment defined your year?
Maybe the day earlier this spring I was having a very tough conversation with mom and dad (one of many throughout the year.) Mom told me she wanted me to tell her what I had to say and after dancing around it for so long, I said “Mom, I’m positive it’s dementia.”  They said they had never been told that before but I do have good reason to believe that they had at least been advised this was likely by their family doctor.

41. Best Meal
We had a lot of good a la carte meals all week but particularly enjoyed the Thai restaurant at the Grand Sirenis resort in Mexico.  A spontaneous decision to have a date night at, ironically, a new Mexican restaurant in Regina called Blanco Cantina was also very enjoyable and delicious.