“I get most of my calories and all of my self-esteem from beer.”
“Do I know you?”
“I'm in your class.”
“Oh, I only have time to meet the alcoholics in that class.”
“I think we need a pellet gun. Or we could just throw empty glasses.”
“Bugs Bunny had some pretty racist early cartoons. But if you look at them now, they're quite subversive.”
“If you're going to fake an injury to get out of class, you need to have a midget on a bicycle.”
Guy One: “The drunkest I ever was on stage was when I punched my bass player.”
Guy Two: “The drunkest I ever was on stage was when I had to be held up by two guitarists on either side of me.”
Guy Three (thinks to himself): Does how drunk I was for my high school graduation count as being on stage?