Head Tale

I repeatedly hear people say some variation of: “You should only worry about things within your control”.

I hear it at work.  In politics.  In the labour movement.  In memes and Internet posts.

As if saying it, somehow makes it true.

I’m not sure if it comes out of the mental health/self-help movement.  It might even be inspired by the Serenity Prayer “God, give me the serenity to accept what cannot be changed, the courage to change, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

First off, that’s inherently defeatist.  You might not have direct ability to decide/change something.  But whether its at work/politics/family/society, you always have influence – no matter your education/experience/position.

In the 1990s, the world discovered a hole in the ozone layer.  That seems like the sort of thing that can’t be changed.  But the discovery was so dire for the future of humanity that a worldwide movement – people, corporations, activists, governments – worked together and actually did impact somthing that none of them as individuals/entitites could do alone – they managed reverse the problem and limit its impacts.

I’m very suspect of people who say “Well, we can’t tell them what to do” about people in power or “stay in your lane” or whatever.

One person can make history against overwhelming odds and the weight of the establishment.  One act of defiance can topple a government or change the world.  One chance meeting can change a lifetime.

What can you control?  Anything you set your mind to!   That’s how I raised and that’s how I’m trying to raise my kids – don’t let anyone tell you something’s too hard, too out of reach, not your responsibility (especially if it’s an ethical issue you feel strongly about!)

(And has increasingly become my habit, I turned the question over to ChatGPT to see what Artificial Intelligence says the issues with the phrase are:

The phrase “only worry about the things you can control” is often meant to reduce anxiety, but it has real flaws.

1. It oversimplifies human emotion. People can’t always choose what worries them. Fear, anger, or grief often come from events outside their control. Telling someone to “just stop worrying” can feel dismissive or guilt-inducing.

2. It discourages empathy and social awareness. Many important issues—inequality, climate, public health—are not individually controllable. The phrase can justify apathy or withdrawal rather than shared responsibility.

3. It can reinforce privilege. Those with stability and power can “focus on what they control.” People facing poverty or discrimination can’t easily separate “what they control” from systems that shape their lives.

4. It misrepresents control itself. Control is rarely absolute. You can influence outcomes without fully controlling them. The phrase promotes an all-or-nothing mindset that ignores the gray area of influence.

5. It can suppress legitimate worry. Worry often motivates preparation, planning, or advocacy. Eliminating all concern for the uncontrollable can lead to passivity instead of resilience.

In short, the idea has some value for focus and stress management, but it becomes harmful when treated as a universal rule instead of a situational tool.