Head Tale

1. What did you do this year that you’d never done before?
Shea always had dogs growing up and my family had a “summer dog” on the farm – my uncle in Calgary would bring his dog for the summer then take it home for the winter.  But this year, we finally broke down and surprised the kids with a puppy, a few years after our cat passed away. 

It worked out perfectly as Shea and I both had the last Friday of October off so we were able to pick it up at a farm near Fort Qu’Appelle, get the house/kennel set-up then put a couple notes on our front door – “Happy (Early) Christmas” as well as a list of “Ten Reasons I Need A Cat or A Dog” that Sasha had written and handed us a few months ago. 

I then put their stuffed dog on the stairs along with another note saying that “Snoopy” (their stuffed dog) has a new brother.  Finally I put *another* sign up with some of the characteristics of the King Charles Spaniel breed in the entrance to our living room, taped to a board that was now across that space to keep our new pet contained.

Here’s Pace’s reaction upon getting home…

And Sasha’s…

2. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I’ve said before that we’re at an age when all our friends who were going to have kids have done so, others who didn’t likely never will and the next generation hasn’t started having kids yet (though my coworker whose son had a kid as a teenager regularly reminds me to buy 15 year old Pace condoms ASAP!). With that said, there were a couple – the daughter of our old neighbour had her second child and my cousin and his partner announced they’re having their second surrogate child which is pretty exciting.

3. Did anyone close to you die?
Where do I start?

Not sure if it’s a combo of being older myself plus the impacts, direct and otherwise, of Covid plus an overtaxed healthcare system plus a lot of mental health/addictions/stress happening with all the pressures in the world.  But I think this is easily the longest this section of my year-end “who died?” wrap-up has ever been.

* One of RPL’s branch managers, Kim McDonald, died very young at 45, back in January when her cancer recurred.  At the time, I was about to be moved to Central and Kim kept missing meetings about the transition so I knew something was up but never imagined it would be terminal. https://speersfuneralchapel.com/tribute/details/11249/Kimberley-McDonald/obituary.html

* I didn’t really know him but he lived in our area and I’d see him at school functions.  Plus he was a huge Beatles fan so I felt a connection to him – Regina Chamber of Commerce CEO, John Hopkins, also of cancer – https://leaderpost.com/news/local-news/regina-chamber-mourns-loss-of-longtime-ceo-john-hopkins

* My sister’s father-in-law,  Lyle Armstrong, died at 79 after living more than two decades after a heart transplant.  Probably the least troubling passing on this list in a way as he lived over twenty years past when he might’ve otherwise if it weren’t for medical science.

* Perhaps the most shocking one on this list, mostly because of how I found out.  One of a group of girls that were a few years younger than me posted a picture on FB saying “Won’t be the same with the entire gang there!” and two pictures – one of five girls and then one of four – but no other info.  I thought that meant that the missing one between the two pics had passed away – which happened to be a girl who was a close neighbour growing up and like a sister in many ways!  Everybody in the comments seemed to know who had died but no one said the name directly (and I was afraid to ask) so called my parents to check the small town grapevine. Turned out that one of the other girls in the pic had passed and the two pics chosen were unintentionally misleading about who had died. (It’s a story for my memoirs but this girl is part of one of the most memorable high school stories which starts with me playing badminton in our high school gym and ends with me standing naked in a closet trying not to get beaten up by a jealous ex-boyfriend!) 😮

* Another shocking one – a guy I grew up with who seemed to have everything going for him – good job, beautiful family – and was only a couple years older than me, committed suicide in May after battling mental health issues.

* The daughter of our former neighbour – whose younger sister was best friends with Sasha – died suddenly and had numerous tributes for her lost potential as an emerging journalist.

* The teacher wife of one of the most generous, engaged, intelligent writers I knew in Calgary passed away after years with various health issues.  Everyone grieves differently but it was tough to see how hard this loss was on her husband who I knew to be a sensitive, caring soul.

* Earlier I mentioned a coworker who died young in January and last December, we lost another (relatively) young (well, middle-aged) librarian who was only a couple years from retirement. In over a decade at RPL, we only lost one employee who was actively working – not someone who left because of a terminal diagnosis then passed away or someone who retired then later died.  But in the past twelve months, we’ve lost three employees – those two librarians I mentioned plus a Sask Poly library tech intern, Sarmad, who was working at the same branch as me.  This was another shocking piece of news to receive and, in terms of that earlier question “What have you done this year that you’ve never done before?”, calling coworkers together to inform them of this news because our branch manager was out of town is up there. 

* Jaime Hilts, a guy who played net for the local senior hockey team when I was growing up, drove a muscle car, and dated a woman who lived next door (which made him like the most stereotypical “cool” guy out of an 80s movie!) passed away at 63.

* Russell Moe who was a longtime seasonal neighbour of my in-laws at Nickle Lake and someone who was always helping at the park – doing maintenance, volunteering at pancake breakfasts, helping to build play structures – passed away at age 72.  He was a skilled woodworker and I still use a pen he made to this day.

* Great Uncle Cecil Peet – The last of the eight brothers and sisters in my maternal grandfather’s family passed away in Vancouver after living with dementia for a number of years.

* I love the story that my Aunt graduated from nursing school, went to Hawaii to nurse for “a few months”, met and married a Hawaiian man named Stan Nagatani and has lived there ever since!  They raised their family (including a real life Top Gun pilot!) and Uncle Stan was an administrator at one of the largest private schools in Hawaii before retiring.  After a few years of health issues, found out that Uncle Stan passed away in mid-December.

Whenever I do this list, I always struggle with where to draw the line.  Should I list every single death I’m tangentially connected to?  Parents or spouses or, especially tragically, children of current coworkers?  Former coworkers?  Again, it’s sort of a weird “sample” when I do this list and I struggle with who to include and not include (I had the husband of a former coworker I’d never met included initially but took him off the list.). But I did want to say that though I never met him either, I was especially saddened to hear of the passing of the young son of a former coworker right before Christmas.

This line from his obituary really resonated:

At times like this, everyone wants to know what they can do: here’s what you can do – share a little kindness.  If you see others in need, remember they have families who love them, and they dream of a better life for themselves.  Don’t judge them, and if you can, lend them a hand.

It’s in no way connected but another extremely tangential connection – a camper we know in Weyburn posted a link to a GoFundMe of a young man who died at 34 leaving behind a wife and young child.  I’ve known a few people who have died of Covid in the past couple years but what stuck out about this death though was it was the first time I ever saw “Long Haul Covid” specifically named as a reason for the person’s death along with the very alarming fact that the insurance company was denying this person’s life insurance!

4. What places did you visit?
We went to Edmonton for a few days over winter break in February, took in an Oilers game (yay – they lost!) then moved on to the West Edmonton Mall to stay in a theme room in the Fantasyland Hotel.  Thought for sure this is where we’d get Covid – in the World Waterpark where no one (well, other than one determined soul) could wear a mask in the water, lots of restaurant meals and even though masks were technically still “required” by law, lots of people not wearing masks in the mall or at the game or wherever.  But shockingly, still no positives after that trip.

Our seasonal camp site at Nickle Lake for a couple weeks in July and a couple weeks in August always feels like an escape from the real world.  We did road trips to Kenosee Lake, Wawota (the owner of a skateboard shop in Regina told us it was one of his favourite skate parks, not just in Saskatchewan but of anywhere he’s been) and Ogema for a heralded BBQ joint.

5. What would you like to have in the next year that you lacked this year?
After a pretty good streak of being able to swing a hot holiday for a number of years in a row (including literally being in Cancun as Covid was breaking around the world), we’d love to do a hot holiday this winter – doubly so since it’s our twentieth wedding anniversary and we got married on a beach in Mexico back in 2003.  But between Covid still being widespread, travel being a bit of a crap-shoot shit show these days plus prices having gone through the roof, we’re still undecided as I type this.

6. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory?
Jan 3 – first new job in eight years as I start as Community Librarian split between George Bothwell and Connaught branches of RPL after a restructuring of supervisors and branch managers at RPL.

June 1 – change jobs again as I get the opportunity to transfer to Sherwood Village and Glen Elm branches which are closer to home.

Aug 30 – fourth booster shot

Tue Oct 4 –  pretty momentous day as I go to IH for a heavy conversation with my parents about some ongoing health issues then go to a farm near Fort Qu’Appelle to see a group of puppies (and end up putting down a deposit on one that night!) (Can’t remember but think Pace also tested positive for Covid around this date but shockingly, no one else in the family did.)

Oct 28 – Shea and I pick up our new puppy!

Dec 15 – after two and a half years of avoiding it, Shea and I finally test positive for Covid.  Boo!

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I’m only partially joking when I say that getting a legitimate, no cheating Wordle “Hole in One” might be the greatest moment, not just of this year but my entire life!

My life will probably never get better…

Wordle 319 1/6

?????

— Jason Hammond (@headtale) May 4, 2022

8. What was your biggest failure of the year?
Another one for the memoirs but I had a pretty big failure this year that I’ll share somewhere down the road.

9. What was your biggest surprise?
RPL’s new Development Coordinator calling me out of the blue when I’d never even met her to say that a longtime regular at my old branch had made her annual donation in my honour!  (I’ve bumped into a lot of former regulars I knew from Regent Branch and have taken a great deal of pride in their compliments about the culture, the atmosphere and the team I built at that branch.  It’s a longer post that is percolating about how my own views on creating a positive, engaged organizational culture based on observing others who were good – and not so good – at this over the years.)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I know society’s making a lot of progress on this but I’m pretty old school so I still struggle to talk about mental health stuff.  But this was definitely my toughest year ever in that regard for a whole variety of reasons – personal and professional, political and societal.  The various changes at work took a big toll, not least because I ended up taking the position created by a colleague who passed away that I mentioned above which was a much more difficult adjustment than I expected (though I probably should have.) There were some unnecessary hiccups when I requested the transfer to a new branch mid-year.  There were some disappointing decisions made by various people I work with.  I had a minor surgery at the end of the year to fix an health issue I had been dealing with off and on all year which kept me off my feet for a few days.  The illness and injury wasn’t just mine but involved various family members too – Pace had Covid in early October. Sasha’s had some health issues with lots of different doctor visits, tests and missed school but still no definitive answers. My mom was in the hospital for a week and that’s another one for the memoirs as I don’t know how to write about it without violating her privacy but also giving a firsthand account of how badly the healthcare system is collapsing.  I will say that I’ll always have a lasting image of my dad and mom (a nurse who dedicated 30+ years of her life to our province’s healthcare system), under the influence of painkiller drugs, on a stretcher in the “overflow of the overflow” area of an ER hallway, trying to absorb that no doctor would be coming anytime soon and she would be spending at least one night (and possibly longer) in the hallway.  After two and a half years of avoiding it (as far as we know anyhow), Shea and I both finally tested positive for Covid in mid-December right before Christmas to cap off a tough year – and especially shitty fall!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Drum set?  Shea objected (as is the right answer!) but I couldn’t resist buying an drum set off FB Marketplace which both kids but especially Pace have really enjoyed pounding on.  No interest in formal lessons but I’m okay with that for now – just love hearing both kids “jamming” on the various instruments we have in our basement music room.  And sometimes dad even joins in!   But drums aside, of course Charlie Echo is definitely the best thing we bought this year by a long shot.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Pace got his learner’s license which was a pretty huge milestone.

13. Whose behaviour left you underwhelmed or disappointed?
Politicians across Canada rushing to lift Covid restrictions including even the simplest ones like masking that can help prevent illness and keep healthcare costs down.  Others, especially those supposedly in leadership positions who were followers more than leaders by acting like Covid was over, especially in schools and workplaces.  

14. Where did most of your money go?
Buying treats, toys and gizmos for the new dog?  Not really but I bet that’s what Shea would say!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Shea and I are looking at landscaping our backyard so it was pretty exciting to see our ideas coming to fruition as we worked with a designer and landscaping company.  And obviously our new puppy was pretty exciting (I joke that I’ve taken more pictures and videos of him than I did of our real kids when they were born!)

16. What song/album will always remind you of this year?
I watched the Sex Pistols’ documentary so listened to them quite a bit then I read Bono’s book so that got me listening to U2 quite a bit as well.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
A) Happier or sadder?  I alluded to it earlier but I was pretty down this year but have taken a few steps to try to get back to normal – talking to professionals, quitting drinking, listening to the dulcet tones of the Rolling Stones, I think even finally giving in on getting a puppy was partly due to knowing that pets are generally very good for your mental health.  Late in the year someone observed that these changes were working and my whole affect had changed.  Then I bumped into a former Regent patron at a grocery store and she also commented on how good I looked and that I had clearly lost weight which was nice to hear.  (She also mentioned she missed me at the branch of course!) 😉    

B) Thinner or fatter?  Tied to that last point, I was eating and drinking a lot of crap especially in the summer when we were camping being particularly bad.  But I am currently on a downward trajectory with my weight – cutting out booze will help and hopefully once weather improves, taking puppy for lots of walks too.  

C) Richer or poorer?  I took a slight pay cut to move to my new position (the original plan was to put me in the same Branch Head role at Central but the cost of downtown parking and likelihood I would eat out a lot more working downtown) basically offsets the pay cut I took to stay in branches. Yet another one for the memoirs but Shea and I didn’t win the lottery but we’re actually easily in the best financial position we’ve ever been in which feels really good and calming.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
The same list I’ve had for years – exercise.  Read.  Practice Spanish.  Practice guitar.  Writing (hard to believe I used to regularly get paid to write articles and columns for newspapers and magazines!)

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
I’ve drank booze since I was 15 and often quite excessively, especially when I was in high school and college.  Through the pandemic, my drinking got pretty heavy again and though I didn’t quite join AA, I did decide to all but quit drinking at the end of August.  After the DTs ended (joking – maybe?), I went from having multiple drinks per day pretty much every day to a maximum of one drink per week at the most.  I’m sure my brain, my body and my wallet will all appreciate this change.  I’m not fully on Team Teetotaler  and have decided the best way to make this “stick” is to allow myself the occasional drink of booze – but more like once per week if that rather than “every single day, more if I have an excuse like a hockey game on TV or it being the weekend or me being awake!”  😉 

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Shea’s folks were in and it was a bit of a strange Christmas, mostly in the sense that we set up our tree in the basement for the first time ever to keep it away from Charlie, so Christmas sort of snuck up on us/didn’t feel real like other years.  Plus Shea and I both being in Covid isolation right before Christmas didn’t help us feel very cheerful.  But luckily we were on the ball and had most of our decorating, shopping and baking done.  In the end, it was a nice, relaxing, enjoyable Christmas with Charlie getting the bulk of the gifts and it feeling like we had another very excited kid in many ways!

21. Who did you spend the most time communicating with?
My sister and I had a lot of long conversations this year.

22. What was your favourite TV program?
We’ve definitely moved towards watching episodic TV shows instead of movies as it’s nice to have something that only lasts half an hour or an hour then you can decide if you want to commit to watching more or go to bed rather than having to stop a movie halfway through.  We had quite a few favourite shows this year:  Cobra Kai.  Love Is Blind.  Big Mouth.  Undone.  The Bear. Trainwreck: Woodstock ‘99.  Pistol.  Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story.  Acapulco (which is a personal favourite – so cute and light but well-written). FIFA Uncovered.  Don’t Pick Up The Phone.

23. Do you hate anything that you didn’t hate at this time last year?
I’ve always been aware of this but after three years of Covid causing so much stress and uncertainty in the world, I’m more conscious of what I’ve started thinking of as “The Sickness”.

This is the unfortunate reality that many people, often in positions of power, let their own insecurities and/or arrogance and/or personal issues be taken out on others in ways that are rude, disrespectful, ignorant, smug and even downright cruel.  I often find their focus is more on controlling others or proving points or showing how smart they are (even when they are making decisions that run contrary to common sense or logic or the knowledge of those who are closest to the problem) than in being kind or finding ways to help others or improving organizations or just in being genuine good people.

24. What was the best book(s) you read?
I’ve joked that I didn’t do as much reading as usual because the Calgary Flames had a very transformative year so I was reading super long threads on Calgary Puck about some major player moves throughout the year instead of books:
Gaudreau: https://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=188881
Tkachuk: https://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=188973

“Gunfight: My Battle Against The Industry That Radicalized America” by Ryan Busse and “Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management For Mortals” by Oliver Burkeman are two books that I’d probably pick as personal favourites.  

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I listen to music non-stop but embarrassingly, nothing springs to mind.

26. What did you want and get?
Well, you might say I didn’t want a puppy (I was probably the biggest objector – worries about cost and damage and being tied down and eventual heartbreak) but I also am probably the happiest we got one! (Nah, just kidding – I think it’s a four-way tie.)

27. What did you want and not get?
Another one for my memoirs.

28. What were your favourite films of this year?
“Stuck Together” was a French film about a group of people living together in an apartment building at the start of the pandemic.  “Spiderman: No Way Home” was a fun rental and “Top Gun: Maverick” was literally the only movie we saw in a theatre this year (remembering fondly the college years where we went weekly!) “Good Luck To You, Leo Grande” on Netflix was really good. Watched Marilyn Monroe biopic, “Blonde” and “Hustle” with Adam Sandler was a bit generic but still entertaining.  

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
As has been the case for quite a few years, we celebrated my July birthday while camping.  This year, I turned 49 while camping with my and Shea’s parents at Nickle Lake.  Next year is the big 5-0 and how the hell did that happen?!? In my brain, I still feel like I’m in my mid-20s most of the time!  

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Jealously watching a number of colleagues retire and wishing I could join them? 🙂

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?
My personal fashion concept hasn’t changed much except I now have dog hair on everything!

32. What kept you sane?
Booze.  Then no booze.  Rolling Stones music.  My family.  Maintaining perspective. Charlie.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
Even as it feels like the majority of the world pretends its over, Covid continues to be the most overarching political issue in society in my view and that shows no signs of changing in 2023.  Also the Ukraine War, Roe v. Wade being attacked by the Supreme Court, the January 6 hearings.  I was not super into the Sask NDP Leadership Race after Ryan Meili stepped down but did attend a steak fundraiser for Kaitlyn Harvey and it brought back a lot of fond memories of working on Ryan Meili’s upstart first leadership campaign.

34.  Who did you miss?
Definitely Regent staff and patrons.  I always say that “all things being equal, you want employees you have a connection to the people they serve” and Regent was my home branch long before I went to library school and had a clientele that I connected to in a way that I don’t with other more suburban or affluent areas.  I mentioned earlier that I bump into a lot of former regulars and it makes me sad when they, unprompted, say things like “It doesn’t seem as friendly since you’re gone” or make critical comments about the service or, as I mentioned, even have a patron make a financial donation in my honour. 

I had some moments of doubt about myself as a librarian this year but hearing those comments and thinking of my various accomplishments over the years – from winning the Spirit of Librarianship Award while doing my MLIS to winning second place in a CLA Essay contest to being picked by a former CLA President as one of a half-dozen new librarians from across Canada to attend the CLA’s “8Rs” conference in Ottawa with a bunch of muckety-mucks from libraryland to having published an article that is now being used in introductory library courses in Alberta and even the USA helped remind me that I’ve held true to the promises I made to myself when I started in libraryland often in the face of some strong currents pushing in the opposite direction.  I’m proud of my engagement with the wider library community and big picture thinking which is something that’s been identified by multiple managers and one of my greatest strengths (another “memoir moment” but I got probably the nicest compliment I’ll *ever* get in my career within a year of starting in public libraries in reference to my abilities in this area.)

35. Who was the best new person you met?
After staying at RPL’s Regent branch for the longest I’ve ever stayed in a single position in my life (eight years), within a calendar year, I held four different jobs at RPL (at least on paper) and worked at five different locations!  I was the Branch Head at Regent Place until Dec 2021 but had found out in September I was being transferred to Central to be the Branch Head there as part of a restructuring of branch managers and supervisors – with another part of the change being that supervisors/managers in branches would now work between two locations – one larger, one smaller.  There would be good (Central would mean I’d be at a single location instead of being split between two branches) and not-so-good things (paying for parking) about going to Central.  But less than a month before I was scheduled to move to Central, I ended up taking a different position when a friend, colleague and mentor passed away suddenly and I ended up moving into his vacant position to stay working in branches.  I thought I would be at the Bothwell/Connaught branch pairing for the foreseeable future.  But less than six months later, another opportunity came up to transfer to a branch pairing closer to home so I was granted that request and started there on June 1.   This is where I am now though I keep joking that if I keep moving around, my next branch will end up being Pilot Butte, a bedroom community outside Regina which is part of a completely different system!  Anyhow, this is all a long way to say that all the moves were stressful for various reasons but getting to work with and better know so many people across the system and see different ways the same things are done was definitely one positive aspect of all the uncertainty.

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year.
“Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should.”  I actually learned this lesson a long time ago from one of the best managers we ever had at RPL, now long gone. But this year I saw what she meant in a way I never had before.

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
Not a song lyric but I came across this quote and thought it was great:  “Do you know the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?  A pessimist says “Oh dear, things can’t possibly get any worse.” And an optimist says “Don’t be sad.  Of course, things can always get worse!” 🙂

38. Link to a photo that sums up your year
One of the things that appealed to us about the King Charles Spaniel breed is hearing it called “the cat of dogs” and that’s very true – he loves having naps on your lap and/or in the sun!

39. Best App of the Year
Wordle (and numerous variants – the good kind of variants I mean!) were fun but Shea also got me hooked on ZLibrary which is a “grey area” book archiving site where you just happen to be able to download pretty much any title you can think of.  They’re having a battle with the FBI right now so the main site isn’t available anymore but you can still get to it via Tor browsers on the dark web.  So much better than library ebooks since its collection is much broader plus you don’t have to worry about books expiring before you finish.  Fascinating from a bigger picture societal perspective in terms of issues around copyright, compensating creators, the “information wants to be free” ethos of the Internet (well, in the early days anyhow) and so on.

40. What single moment defined your year?
I don’t know if it defined my year necessarily but going to my desk on my first day at Bothwell after seven years at Regent and finding the GB staff had decorated my desk with welcome signs and streamers (someone else I talked to who had also moved to a new branch said “They didn’t do that for me!”) and the Regent staff had sent over a card with some money to use at the food court (Bothwell is RPL’s only location in a mall and I loved being there in the deepest part of winter as I could go be a “mall walker” at my meal breaks.  But I also tried really hard to avoid the temptations of the food court!) Then, a couple weeks later, a giant homemade card showed up with pictures of highlights of my time at Regent stuck on it plus well wishes and signatures from numerous regulars that I got to know over the years.  Another percolating blog post is about the various “tensions” that exist in libraries – between Central and suburban branches, between those who strictly adhere to rules vs. those who bend rules to solve problems, between frontline and support services, between in- and out-of-scope employees, etc.  Believe it or not, there’s even a tension between those who see the library’s role to build deep relationships with those who use our services versus those who see it as a more transactional or distanced relationship.  But getting that card was another good reminder that I’m on the right side of things!

41. Best Meal
Siam Thai food.