Head Tale

Shea and I went for supper with some friends on Friday night and it was good to catch up, compare notes, and have a few laughs after not having done a restaurant meal with people who we’d normally go out with a few times per year before Covid.

(We have done virtual happy hours/outside visits/potlucks and gatherings in houses during the past two years but again, other than the virtual gatherings, not a lot of in-person visiting at all.)

It was tough/sad to hear how similar most of us are feeling right now after two years in the pandemic and with various other changes that are happening in society and/or as we all near 50.  These ranges from the personal (financial challenges, aging parents) to the professional (bad managers/increasing corporatization and privatization of our work). We compared notes on who was on anti-anxiety meds versus who was using alcohol or drugs to cope to what therapists are saying to other ways we’re trying to cope (spontaneous weekend getaways, spa days, binging mindless entertainment to the point that someone in our group literally couldn’t remember the name of a show they binged and enjoyed within the last month!)

We came up with one couple we all know who (appear to be) basically happy in all facets of their lives – personally, professionally, financially and otherwise.

But a colleague recently used the iceberg analogy and its very true – we only see what people show above the surface but there’s so much happening below the surface in people’s lives that we aren’t always aware of.  (I don’t know for sure but I could think of at least two fairly major things that may be sources of unhappiness for that couple, just based on the parts of their iceberg that are above the surface.)

Heck, one person in the group even made a comment about how she thought Shea and I had a perfect life – nice house, two kids, white picket fence (okay, not quite) – but after Shea and I stopped laughing/sobbing, we said no, of course, we have all sorts of stresses too just like everyone.  Things that are positives for some (having kids) could also be negatives (who would bring kids into a world that’s so messed up with wars and pandemics and growing economic inequity and climate change?!?)

And I guess the other strange thing is that everyone in that group are the ones who *should* be in good places in lives.  As 50 looms, we’re all educated professionals, all mid-career with decent jobs (at least from the outside) in fields we chose and are well-suited for.  We’re all (mostly) in good health.  We all own our homes (though that’s a source of stress for at least one person who is considering selling.)

I can’t imagine what it’s like to be alive right now if you don’t have the advantages and privileges that the people in that group have – Canadian-born, supportive families, lots of options and connections (hell, one person in our group is in IT and someone he used to work with spotted him so came over to say he’s started an IT company that’s doing really well and *literally offering my buddy a job* right at the table!)

Anyhow, overall, it was a strange relief to be with friends that I’ve basically known since I was five years old where we have that level of trust and maturity to speak so openly about everything from sex to finances to suicidal thoughts to the risks of playing Scrabble while high on mushrooms!