Head Tale

Lots of great humour about the reports that Donald Trump paid Russian prostitutes to urinate on him.

The absolute funniest part to me is that a guy who makes up shit, lies freely, changes his story regularly and was helped greatly by “fake news” is now being undermined by an unsubstantiated rumour.

Someone joked that this scandal is what the Internet was invented for.  Here’s some of the *many* jokes and puns I’ve seen…

• Most people get pissed off, Trump gets pissed on.
• Because of this story, Trump is turning on the waterworks.
• Trump has golden toilets, why not golden showers?
• Will Russia “leak” the Trump sex tapes?
• Obama, you’re out.  Trump, urine!
• Low turnout expected for Trump inauguration because there’s 90% chance of showers.
• Now we know why Trump liked WikiLeaks so much.
• “A house divided cannot stand.” -Abe Lincoln /// “The only thing to fear is fear itself.” -FDR  /// “Pee on my face” -Donald Trump
• The GOP is so concerned with what bathroom people use.  Shouldn’t they be happy that they’re using a bathroom?
• Trump mis-spelled his slogan.  It was “Make America Urinate Again”!
• “What’s Donald Trump’s favourite restaurant?”  The Golden Arches!
• President of the United States is POTUS.  President-Elect is PEETOS.
• Obama was the first black President.  Trump is the first blackmailed President.
• You know this story is fake because it says he had to pay people to piss on him. Most people would do that for free.
• Stephen Colbert probably wins the prize for best summary:
  

  “I’m not going to validate that report by sharing the most salacious details from it, even the detail everyone’s talking about. You might call it the number one detail. I think this is just an unfortunate leak. That’s making a huge mess. And I know I’m being a wet blanket, but reporting on this is the worst kind of yellow journalism. Even though jokes about this story are a golden opportunity, I won’t do it. Not to say the story didn’t make a huge splash. It did. It flooded Twitter. We’ll keep you updated as facts trickle in. We have our best researcher working on it. She’s a real whizz. And one thing is for sure: The president-elect is a Goldwater Republican who believes in trickle-down. So no, no, I’m not going to make any jokes, not even a wee one.  So, I’m cutting it off now. I am finished. Wait! A little more is coming out! It happens sometimes. But after eight years of listening to Trump make unsubstantiated claims about Obama’s birth certificate, I don’t think this matters if this is true or not, because the fact is, it’s out there, and that means, Mr. Trump, you’re in trouble.”