Reddit (nice redesign by the way!) had a post about the 15th anniversary of “True Romance“, a film that bombed in its initial theatrical release but has gone on to be a cult-classic due to a classic Quentin Tarantino script, a star-studded line-up (Brad Pitt does more with a quickie cameo than any actor in history) and perhaps one of the single best dialogue scenes in the history of film:
So that reminded me of a funny story (well, depending on your point of view. It may also be considered embarrassing, sad, pathetic, selfish and/or tragic.) Back in 1993, I was a newly graduated, gainfully under-employed twenty year old.
A female friend of mine (let’s call her Amy) mentioned that a friend of hers (also female, just to be clear) thought I was funny and wouldn’t mind if I called her (let’s call the friend Brenda). This was a very rare occurrence so I, of course, froze up and did nothing.
Amy proactively arranged a double-date (conveniently with a friend of mine she was interested in – let’s dub him “Chris”) and Brenda & I. That newly introduced couple spent two hours groping each other while a forgettable movie played on the VCR and they helped the term “love seat” live up to its name. Brenda and I sat on a nearby couch and both wished we were anywhere else in the world.
The next day, Amy called. “Brenda really likes you but she’s painfully shy. You need to make the first move. Call her and ask her out to a movie.” Wait, a second! I’m painfully shy too. How come she doesn’t call me? She started this!
But I was a realist and that seemed like a rational thing to do. I called. Brenda said yes. Plans were made. A movie! Brilliant. Which one? We left that to be decided, happy to just get through a very brief, very awkward conversation.
There was one small wrinkle. I’d recently been introduced to the wunderkid that was Quentin Tarantino by a different female friend who was at the time and remains to this day, much cooler than I shall ever be. The introduction to Tarantino came in the form of a film called “Reservoir Dogs” which literally took my breath away. I couldn’t wait until something else from the same director arrived. I didn’t have to wait long. I read a movie preview in the newspaper (remember them?) that said Tarantino had a new film coming out. He didn’t direct this one but it was his script. Good enough for me!
So I picked up Brenda and instead of suggesting the latest Meg Ryan opus, I mentioned that there was a film called “True Romance” that she might like. I mean, the title was “True Romance”. How bad could it be? We went. We held hands. The film was brilliant. It was also pretty much as bad as I never imagined it would be. Vulgar. Violent. Racist. Sexist. It had perhaps the most offensive scene of male on female brutality I’d ever seen until the final rape scene in “Monster” (which had caused one friend to leave a theatre, puke on the sideway and never return, her absence unexplained to all, including her husband sitting beside Shea and I, until the next day!)
Brenda was quiet on the drive home. Surprisingly, she invited me into her living room. I couldn’t help but notice the complete set of Disney VHS tapes stored neatly beside her TV. Needless to say, we did not extend the evening into an exploration of each others’ tonsils.
To make a long story short, there wasn’t a second date. (Okay, I’m lying for the sake of the story. There actually was if you can believe it!) But unfortunately any hope we had for a relationship was pretty much dashed in the Mexican stand-off of bullets and blood that “True Romance” showered on her Snow White and Cinderella tastes.
I have no idea where Brenda is today (hmmm, I wonder if she’s on Facebook? [Puts on stalker hat]) but given the choice again, I think I’d have made the same decision. I probably love that film more today than when I first saw it 15 years ago. Oh, and the real funny part? The last time I saw Brenda, she was making out on a dance floor…with my friend Chris. Not shy at all!
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